Stingy Love: The Dirty Secret of Jealousy

Stingy Love.

Authentic feelings.

Integrity.

This past week, I felt a feeling that makes me uncomfortable. It was the ping of jealously. Then, I felt guilty for feeling it. Then, I felt mad. Then, I felt resentful. I was jealous of another woman’s success. There. . .I said it out loud. True confessions. I was looking from the “outside” at what I thought was somehow “better,” and I was getting caught up in the “Comparison Chaos.”

None of this feels good. It actually made me feel nauseous. I felt “yucky.”

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.

The truth is, I want you to be successful. I want to celebrate your success as a person, as a fellow traveler on the path of life. I want to cheer you on and have you cheer me on, too. But I have to remember that you cannot read my mind, and that it is not under my control what you do or don’t do. I have to remind myself that all that glitters is not gold, and that what I see on social media is not the entire picture. It is one snapshot moment. I have to watch out for the snare of envy. When I am caught in that snare, I am not doing the work that God has called me to do.

It is my job to do my work, clean up my side of the street, and love you with no strings attached. It is not my job to watch you do your work and talk about your work and wonder why my work is not looking like your work. Get it?

It is not my job to get you to like me or love me, to patrol you, to coerce you or to force you. It is my job to love you and do what I have committed to doing for you—regardless of the outcome. It is my job to cheer for you, pick you up, cry with you if needed, and love you along the messy path.

Be willing to give love.

Be willing to share the victory.

Be willing to let go of expectations.

Be willing to be vulnerable.

Be willing to be generous with your praise.

Be willing to cheer for your sister in Christ.

It is time to release yourself from your own bondage. Be you. There is no need to compete with your authentic, true, gorgeous self!

Diane Cunningham is the Founder and President of the National Association of Christian Women Entrepreneurs. She is a “business therapist,” plane crash survivor, author, consultant, speaker, marathon runner, and fun friend. Find out more about NACWE and why 165 women joined in the first year at www.NACWE.org. Connect with Diane at www.facebook.com/DianeCunningham for fun updates, silly videos, and lively conversation.