“If a mother can kill her own child, then what is left of the West to be destroyed?”
Mother Teresa was never afraid to speak and act with impunity on matters of the secular world. She frequently condemned abortion. At Harvard University’s commencement in 1982 she called it “the greatest evil.” Let me say that I love Mother Teresa and all that she stood for.
I am one who stands before you with this grievous confession. I have done this greatest evil, three times. I have regret, I have remorse, I have grief over it. I have moments when I wonder how my two daughters would have interacted with their other siblings. I wonder about gender? I wonder what my children would have looked like.
I wonder how I could’ve made such decisions. Why it is the remorse and grief came so late in life, rather than in my youth? I wonder if that is a blessing, wondering if I would have been able to handle that kind of grief at my young age.
For years I carried the sin of my abortion. At the time it wasn’t as easy as being pro-choice or pro-life. Today, I write to share the reconciliation, love, peace and forgiveness of God I uncovered in all of it.
I remember being terrified. A coward. Afraid to tell anyone I was pregnant. Too young to understand the long term effects—the emotional, physical and spiritual fallout. At the time, abortion wasn’t “the greatest evil.” To me, it was simply a huge relief, an aid to what I saw in my immature thinking as an insupportable situation. An abortion fixed my predicament, or so I thought.
I dreaded being found out by my parents. My parents were not ever physically abusive to me, so it wasn’t that kind of fear. My parents were good, they were, and therefore we were, church-goers-every Sunday and most Wednesdays. They were respected in the community and in the church, I was afraid of shaming them. I didn’t want to hurt them. I was concerned for their reputation, and how I might destroy that for them. I couldn’t bear the thought of doing that to them. Pregnancy is a sin noticed by all.
The other alternative was suicide. To protect me and my parents from the embarrassment. Yes, suicide. I seriously contemplated this option. I even thought about the different ways I could end my life. Instead, I chose abortion.
I have since found full freedom in Christ. One day, I will have a book called “Greif and Grace through Abortion.” Though abortion is not my platform, I wanted to invite you into my journey and how I have made my way through the direction of the Spirit. It’s been a windy path but God has been there.
Only in the last ten years have I been able to confess. The truth allows me to share now. I no longer need to hide and cower in the corner when the conversation arises. I am forgiven by my Lord. I don’t justify or excuse my actions. I am simply forgiven. Free and willing to share my mess in order for Him to use it for a glorious message of hope unending, love unbroken, devotion unrelenting from a saving Father who was broken for me and for you.
My life verse is Galatians 5:25 “If we live by the Spirit, let us walk by the Spirit.” I call myself a Spiritwalker because I truly embrace living fully powered by the amazing Holy Spirit that is planted within us.
At thirteen, my “happy” parents divorced and the entire dynamics of our family shut down. Nothing was the same. No more clear direction. And my mom left to raise four strong-willed teenagers on her own.
I grew up fast. Independently minded, and with no real direction, I graduated high school and moved out at seventeen. Ready to meet the world. While attending college my first job was as a leasing agent at a large apartment community. I had a reasonable salary and a free apartment! Newfound freedom and independence.
My very first boss was a cruel and harsh women who taught me how not to lead. During that experience, I sought a valuable education in personal and professional development, setting me on a course for achieving successful principles for leadership.
Over the years, I climbed the ladder. I learned quickly how to close sales, care for her employees, and serve the needs of residents, while developing a knack for marketing which help me increased the occupancy rates and strengthen the ROI. I uncovered an amazing business mind coupled with a love for people buried within me.
Over time, I achieved many high honors and awards. I was highly sought after for my experience by leading workshops, educational programs and mentoring others in the industry.
The path has been windy, but God has been there and I cherish the journey. God’s called me to places I would have never gone, that’s how I know it’s Him. He rooted compassion deep within me and called me to share that passion with women. He took an unworthy woman and made her worthy through Himself.
I was VP of a nationwide non-profit Christian organization. Then God dropped a book in my lap for me to write, “Confessions of a Pastor’s Wife: God Speaks Can You Hear Him?” which led me to become an entrepreneur, author, speaker, success coach, CEO, Founder of Women of Passionate Purpose, Awakenings Life Coaching and other businesses.
Women of Passionate Purpose is a group of passionate women called to help women live out their purpose with passion. We focus on helping women in their journey of creating their dreams of writing and speaking, all for the glory of God.
Now empty nesters, Kathyrn Bonner and her husband (who is a pastor) live in Austin, Texas. Their greatest joys are spending time with their daughters and their husbands and the newest addition–grandson Brody who was born September 14, 2010. Their oldest daughter and her husband are in the process of adopting the second grandchild and they cannot wait to meet this little person.